the hunter, not the hunted

i walk into work; i'm being treated differently. the duty manager is now willing to discuss the communcation issues between leading staff and the subsidiaries. i have found it odd previously, but tonight i'm caught off guard and actually talk in sentences laced with politicisms. i shouldn't, i know what this one is like, but i lack the ability to care any more. i grasp for a sugarfree redbull out of the fridge while we discuss everything. she is the only one who ever asks after my son though. the illusion of care. i'll admit to being saddened at the passing of her husband, but i'll not let that interfere with the fact that she is full of utter bullshit. she once tried converse with me on a topic i'm fairly knowledgeable on, and it took all my energies not to laugh in her face at her false and incredible statements. however, she has always taken care to note what i have said about the boy. sentimentality aside, i shouldn't let my politics slip when she is around. she baits, like a fisherman, but i am weary on all other occasions. tonight though, i slipped. i went for it and circled. i circled like a school of shark; attempting to answer the questions without letting on exactly what i was thinking. i doubt my success. i do think i may have been clever with my statements. i focused more on the moron than his lackey. which is the truth. the moron is the cause, and the effect of this whole thing.

i've actually come to hate this job. and it's taken this transfer opportunity to bring this realisation home. i was at work tonight paranoid and wishing i wasn't there. i was almost convinced i was being watched because the chick taking over the job i wanted didn't like the fact that i knew what i was doing and made her look good. she hasn't spoken to me since last saturday (and note also that this 'woman' is my age). i'm still of the mind though, that if she had really wanted the job and wanted to learn it, as she stated a few times last saturday, she would have volunteered for the position as i had.

yep. i volunteered for a leadership role the day before i was offered a transfer. now, i took the transfer because i knew i would get away from my boss. i took it because i was being offered something better than what i already had. now, if my boss had a brain in that almost 30-something head of his, he would have gone "this person wants to run the shift, we need to keep her. how can we make it beneficial". INSTEAD, i get this "oh, (store name) just called saying you were transferring. thanks for telling me." i'm not obligated to tell him i'm looking elsewhere. in fact, very few jobs actually state that i should tell my line manager. so my not telling him was, in fact, NON OF HIS BUSINESS, according to what i've read to date. i could be wrong there, though.

all that aside, i really hate this job. i do a great big pile of everything during the day, least of which being: help take care of a toddler, and then i'm expected to go to work on a friday night for 5 hours, theatre all day saturday followed closely by work for another 5 hours. then a get all of sunday to prepare for 7.5 hours off hell between 12:30 and 8 am on mondy. it's fucking up my life. i can't handle not having the time to relax on a weekend. despite my not working during the week at present, i have no 'relaxation time'. i'm on call as mother for most of that time, while pots works. but trying to make the rest of the world understand that is, at the best, impossible.

i'm exhausted. i need a holiday, and there is no time to fit one in. pots and the monkey get a 2 week vacation in july. I. DO. NOT. so, while they're relaxing, i'm getting used to my new job, possibly rehearsing a new show and watching my current show come to a close. with luck, i'll get holidays come january. until then: who knows.

so, if i can't hang with you, it's one of many reasons: i'm performing (G&T may need me), i'm trying to sleep, pots has a gig, i'm simply tired, i'm studying. that may not be all, but it's a start. i'm full of horribly lame excuses,but they're all true, and that's what makes it sad.

life was so much simpler when i was unemployed and had no baggage.*

can anyone suggest some yummy pampering (the massage the other day was utterly useless for a variety of reasons), incl./excl. hot young things with not much on and feeding me food and booze?

til next....
~Kits~ (on the verge of something)

(*a general statement, not to mean i think pots and the monkey are horrible and unwanted baggage. that is far from the truth.)