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kitsunegari Sep. 18th, 2008 04:48 pm)
kitsunegari Sep. 18th, 2008 04:48 pm)i suppose i should do a proper update of stuff that has happened...
i've been grossly overworked with a million things that all have a similarly related theme - namely: me. the only thing that connects anything i've been doing is the fact that i am the person who is doing it; there is no other obvious crossover. that is not to say i haven't enjoyed it. it's all connected with what i'm most passionate about, and i'm so super happy about that there are no real words. the fact that it all decided to happen all at once is what's doing my head in. i don't do things by halves, that's for sure. i'm either doing nothing at all and feeling despondant, or i'm totally overwhelmed because the performance arts fairy is feeling generous and handing stuff out willy nilly.
most current is the tech for The Witches at the Brisbane Arts Theatre: which opens this saturday september 20. it's been a long and complicated rehearsal period with highs and lows, absences and 'higher' interference, but it looks good (and that isn't my biased opinion) and that's all that really counts at this stage. i'm exhausted, and just want this week to be over and done with. thankfully, tonight is the final rehearsal EVAR for this production. i need a break. a long calming break.at this stage, if i never have to direct another show again, i will be the happiest person you have ever met in your entire life.
when i did peter pan last year, i thought that was pretty difficult; working with a cast of 27 all under legal drinking age (except for two or three). that had nothing on this cast. a siginificantly smaller group (something like 13), but all over legal drinking age (except for the two 12 year olds) and a veritable sea of egos surging all over the stage. don't get me wrong, i love the cast. they are amazing and have turned what i thought was a frenetic brain fart of ideas into something that actually resembles a theatre production of awesome, but (and isn't there always one of these somewhere?) i've never had to fight my way through so much bullshit in my life. i've really had to work hard on this show just to get some of the really tiny things to work. fair enough, that's my job, but i'm really still a novice in the world of directors and the number of times i've had to hit my head against brick walls just to stop myself going crazy...i'm certain it's innumerable.
so, because i've had to deal with so much, and also because so much else has stepped in and helped to add to my 'stresses', i've decided i'm not directing next year. i'm not sure when i'm going to direct again right now. i'm not sure if i'm actually really ready to direct. i'm almost certain i stepped in a little too deeply with this. actually, to be honest, i don't think i ever want to direct a kids show again. i've done it twice now, and that's more than enough. i'm at the stage in my career (and i feel so comfortable calling it that) now, where i've had all i can take of kids theatre. not because i don't like it, but because people don't take it seriously enough. it is greatly underestimated, and i understand why a great number of actors will refuse to do it. i also want to branch out into other things. i've been given opportunities in the past 18 months that have helped me understand more about myself as a creative person, and i think i deserve more than what i've been getting. so, i'm stepping out of my 'comfort zone' again and trying new things. i know it's not always going to work for me (parade was my first 'leap into the unknown' and i was unsuccessful), but i'm sick of sitting on my thumbs and wondering what i could have done. G&T has helped me a lot there also. they saw something in me that i didn't and that helped to boost my confidence significantly.
the thing is, i now don't know where my passions lie completely anymore. i'm doing so much music these days, that i'm not certain it's not my main passion. or it could be that performance is my passion, and it doesn't matter what form it takes, so long as i'm entertaining an audience: and that really does seem to work for me. i honestly adore those moments when i'm up on a stage (of whatever description) and providing entertainment for other people. i get joy out of that. sure, it's a job, but how many people out there are doing jobs they actually enjoy and have a passion for? i don't think i've ever had more motivation for anything than i do for this. it makes me feel alive. when someone i met a long time ago asked me "why do you want to do it?" i couldn't give them an adequate response because i was very young, and (by comparison) quite inexperienced, but if they asked me that very same question again today, i would tell them just that: it makes me feel alive.
i've successfully managed to get side-tracked, but that's okay. i think it just shows my head space at present. in fact, i think the past few entries over recent days has proven my head space - the fact that i've posted more often this week than i have the entire year kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?
anyway...
it's the final tech rehearsal tonight with our opening show scheduled for Saturday September 20 at 2pm. the show is no longer in my hands. i don't know how to feel about it - honestly. with pan, i was okay with it, i felt really pleased and proud of the whole thing...this show is different. this could have something to do with the aforementioned "bullshit", or it could be that i'm just so over it, it hurts. whatever it is, i am virtually numb in the knowledge that i am no longer in control of the show. here's hoping it really is as good as people have been saying.
til next....
~Kits~ (off to find the pre-show music i've chosen)
i've been grossly overworked with a million things that all have a similarly related theme - namely: me. the only thing that connects anything i've been doing is the fact that i am the person who is doing it; there is no other obvious crossover. that is not to say i haven't enjoyed it. it's all connected with what i'm most passionate about, and i'm so super happy about that there are no real words. the fact that it all decided to happen all at once is what's doing my head in. i don't do things by halves, that's for sure. i'm either doing nothing at all and feeling despondant, or i'm totally overwhelmed because the performance arts fairy is feeling generous and handing stuff out willy nilly.
most current is the tech for The Witches at the Brisbane Arts Theatre: which opens this saturday september 20. it's been a long and complicated rehearsal period with highs and lows, absences and 'higher' interference, but it looks good (and that isn't my biased opinion) and that's all that really counts at this stage. i'm exhausted, and just want this week to be over and done with. thankfully, tonight is the final rehearsal EVAR for this production. i need a break. a long calming break.at this stage, if i never have to direct another show again, i will be the happiest person you have ever met in your entire life.
when i did peter pan last year, i thought that was pretty difficult; working with a cast of 27 all under legal drinking age (except for two or three). that had nothing on this cast. a siginificantly smaller group (something like 13), but all over legal drinking age (except for the two 12 year olds) and a veritable sea of egos surging all over the stage. don't get me wrong, i love the cast. they are amazing and have turned what i thought was a frenetic brain fart of ideas into something that actually resembles a theatre production of awesome, but (and isn't there always one of these somewhere?) i've never had to fight my way through so much bullshit in my life. i've really had to work hard on this show just to get some of the really tiny things to work. fair enough, that's my job, but i'm really still a novice in the world of directors and the number of times i've had to hit my head against brick walls just to stop myself going crazy...i'm certain it's innumerable.
so, because i've had to deal with so much, and also because so much else has stepped in and helped to add to my 'stresses', i've decided i'm not directing next year. i'm not sure when i'm going to direct again right now. i'm not sure if i'm actually really ready to direct. i'm almost certain i stepped in a little too deeply with this. actually, to be honest, i don't think i ever want to direct a kids show again. i've done it twice now, and that's more than enough. i'm at the stage in my career (and i feel so comfortable calling it that) now, where i've had all i can take of kids theatre. not because i don't like it, but because people don't take it seriously enough. it is greatly underestimated, and i understand why a great number of actors will refuse to do it. i also want to branch out into other things. i've been given opportunities in the past 18 months that have helped me understand more about myself as a creative person, and i think i deserve more than what i've been getting. so, i'm stepping out of my 'comfort zone' again and trying new things. i know it's not always going to work for me (parade was my first 'leap into the unknown' and i was unsuccessful), but i'm sick of sitting on my thumbs and wondering what i could have done. G&T has helped me a lot there also. they saw something in me that i didn't and that helped to boost my confidence significantly.
the thing is, i now don't know where my passions lie completely anymore. i'm doing so much music these days, that i'm not certain it's not my main passion. or it could be that performance is my passion, and it doesn't matter what form it takes, so long as i'm entertaining an audience: and that really does seem to work for me. i honestly adore those moments when i'm up on a stage (of whatever description) and providing entertainment for other people. i get joy out of that. sure, it's a job, but how many people out there are doing jobs they actually enjoy and have a passion for? i don't think i've ever had more motivation for anything than i do for this. it makes me feel alive. when someone i met a long time ago asked me "why do you want to do it?" i couldn't give them an adequate response because i was very young, and (by comparison) quite inexperienced, but if they asked me that very same question again today, i would tell them just that: it makes me feel alive.
i've successfully managed to get side-tracked, but that's okay. i think it just shows my head space at present. in fact, i think the past few entries over recent days has proven my head space - the fact that i've posted more often this week than i have the entire year kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it?
anyway...
it's the final tech rehearsal tonight with our opening show scheduled for Saturday September 20 at 2pm. the show is no longer in my hands. i don't know how to feel about it - honestly. with pan, i was okay with it, i felt really pleased and proud of the whole thing...this show is different. this could have something to do with the aforementioned "bullshit", or it could be that i'm just so over it, it hurts. whatever it is, i am virtually numb in the knowledge that i am no longer in control of the show. here's hoping it really is as good as people have been saying.
til next....
~Kits~ (off to find the pre-show music i've chosen)
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I'm sure if you ask Lynne she will let you branch out into mainhouse shows like so many other directors got a stab at this year in AD roles...might be something worth looking into to expand your directing career and perhaps branch out into a new world...
:)
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til next....
~Kits~ (at this stage)
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