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out of boredom, i wandered to the dining room and picked up my guitar. the single most expensive item i've ever paid for with my own money. that which, hopefully, one day will be my major source of income. something i used to pick up for more than an hour every day. a 'toy' that has apparently fallen victim to the same creative sapping disease that's sucked my brain dry of all it's ability to use words expressively.
i've just spent perhaps ten minutes doodling. picking random notes here and there, strumming abstract chords in the hope of creating something new. some of the chords sounded really nice, incredibly abstract, and may eventually make their way into something i write. for the most part, it was a bland session. more of a warm up and practice so i don't forget how to play, or lose the layers of hardened skin on the ends of my fingers that have taken many years to cultivate. but mainly so that i stay limber. with my physically demanding job i risk losing the slenderness of my fingers and their flexibility, so i need to keep up the practice, or else i'll lose any hope of becoming a better musician.
but i can't focus. i can't sit and play non stop for an hour at a time. i used to be able to just sit and play set after set after set, every day, singing and playing because i enjoyed it. i loved the feel of the strings on my fingers, the sound that the guitar made, the strength hidden within the music. again, i'm finding myself lacking enough energy to even pick my guitar up. and when i do, everything i play sounds so lacklustre. the music sounds bored, old and played out. the strength has left it. even the words themselves, the very words that i have written and once sounded so beautiful to me, appear crusty and cliche.
what the hell is going on with me? everything i love and adore about myself is fading away and i don't know why. i dont' know how to stop it. i dont' even know where it's going. i dont' even know who to talk to to try and find it. everything is just slowly creeping out of the door and i can't seem to stop them from leaving.
fucking hell! when did i become so EMO?!?!???!!!
the more i write about it, the more i get it out, the closer i am to finding the problem and the solution. analysis. it's all about analysis. but sometimes i analyse too much....
til next....
~Kits~ (leaking)
i've just spent perhaps ten minutes doodling. picking random notes here and there, strumming abstract chords in the hope of creating something new. some of the chords sounded really nice, incredibly abstract, and may eventually make their way into something i write. for the most part, it was a bland session. more of a warm up and practice so i don't forget how to play, or lose the layers of hardened skin on the ends of my fingers that have taken many years to cultivate. but mainly so that i stay limber. with my physically demanding job i risk losing the slenderness of my fingers and their flexibility, so i need to keep up the practice, or else i'll lose any hope of becoming a better musician.
but i can't focus. i can't sit and play non stop for an hour at a time. i used to be able to just sit and play set after set after set, every day, singing and playing because i enjoyed it. i loved the feel of the strings on my fingers, the sound that the guitar made, the strength hidden within the music. again, i'm finding myself lacking enough energy to even pick my guitar up. and when i do, everything i play sounds so lacklustre. the music sounds bored, old and played out. the strength has left it. even the words themselves, the very words that i have written and once sounded so beautiful to me, appear crusty and cliche.
what the hell is going on with me? everything i love and adore about myself is fading away and i don't know why. i dont' know how to stop it. i dont' even know where it's going. i dont' even know who to talk to to try and find it. everything is just slowly creeping out of the door and i can't seem to stop them from leaving.
fucking hell! when did i become so EMO?!?!???!!!
the more i write about it, the more i get it out, the closer i am to finding the problem and the solution. analysis. it's all about analysis. but sometimes i analyse too much....
til next....
~Kits~ (leaking)
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