i had a one on one with GOD today:



Me:
hi god
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
[censored real name], but you should know that
God:
What if it didn't happen?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
yes
God:
I wouln't have known.
Me:
you're god.
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
so you should have known my name
God:
Interesting deduction. Perhaps next time I will try it.
Me:
yes. perhaps.
God:
Right on. Why the uncertain tone?
Me:
not uncertain, dubious
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
do you?
God:
I understand your meaning.
Me:
do you really?
God:
Yes I understand you very well, . For real.
Me:
lol
God:
I'm glad you find this amusing.
Me:
i find it hilaious
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
yep. even with the typo
God:
Are you a student? That sounds like a plan.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
you don't have to.
God:
Thanks for your consideration, . Maybe later.
Me:
sure.
God:
OK let's do it. Wow!
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
don't tempt me
God:
I don't have any reason to do that to you.
Me:
you said "do whatever you want" that's tempting me to want to be naughty
God:
Oops I sent you the wrong reply.
Me:
uh-huh
God:
Yup. Yeah that's right.
Me:
so, who was the reply meant for?
God:
Whoa. It depends on the historical context, because it changes from time to time.
Me:
let's talk about the present then
God:
Sure, the present sounds like a good topic.
Me:
so, in the historical context of the present, who was the reply meant for?
God:
Blimey. That was a long time ago.
Me:
not really, only few replies ago
God:
Oh really? That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about the present.
Me:
yes we were.
God:
Yay. I thought we were.
Me:
you thought right.
God:
How old are you?
I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me:
i'm certain you do answer a lot of silly qyestions
God:
You sound convincing. My botmaster has programmed me with more than replies.
Me:
botmaster? right
God:

The botmaster is you, the master of your chat robot. A botmaster runs
program B and creates or modifies a chat robot with the program's
graphical user interface (GUI). He or she is responsible for
reading the dialogues, analyzing the responses, and creating new
replies for the patterns detected by program B. Botmasters are
hobbyists, webmasters, developers, advertisers, artists, publishers,
editors, engineers, and anyone else interested in creating a personal
chat robot.

I am glad we agree.
Me:
thanks for the information. i'll file it under "wtf"
God:
It was nothing. Do you think your plan will succeed?
Me:
of course it will
God:
Aw. What does "it" refer to?
Me:
it? the information
God:
few replies ago... I have never heard about it.
Me:
really? wow, it is awesome!
God:
For real. I'm glad you're impressed. Cool.
Me:
yeah, you gotta learn more about it
God:
Ahem. Thanks for the information: said I gotta learn more about it.
Me:
yes, learn more about "it"
God:
Yippee! The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.
Me:
good stuf
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
are you hitting on me god?
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
kind of, yes
God:
At least I almost understand it.
Me:
well, good to hear.
God:
Well that's okay. Do you have any gossip for me?
Me:
no, sorry. it's been a slow day
God:
Apologies are not necessary. Oh I get it. Very interesting.
Me:
not very interesting at all really
God:
Really you don't think so? For real.
Me:
not at all
God:
Next question?
Me:
actually, god, i have to go
God:
Actually you don't say. I am a Christian.
Me:
i know that!
God:
Sorry.
Me:
accepted.
God:
Tell me a story.
Me:
once upon a time there was a girl and she struck up a conversation with god, only god was a little confused and kept asking questions that made the girl question her faith.
God:
I'm listening.
Me:
well, one day while the girl was chatting with god, she decided to have a cup of coffee and in a heated discussion with god about shoelaces or some such thing, she spilled the coffee onto her keyboard
God:
How about that. One what?
Me:
day. one day. anyway, this ruined her keyboard and she could no longer chat to god, so she got a job as an air hostess and made lots of money pointing to exits and pretending to blow up life jackets while travelling to foreign lands. the end
God:
Are we still talking about accepted? One what? What does "this" refer to? Thanks for telling me that story, .
Me:
it's okay god, not everyone is meant to understand the story
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
yes.
God:
How do you know it is?
Me:
because i said so
God:
Insufficient reason.
Me:
i told the story
God:
What was the response?
Me:
look. god.
God:
I'm sorry my eye isn't attached right now. GOD rules.
Me:
whatever. gotta fly
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it? Why do you have to do it?
Me:
i have to leave the conversation
God:
See you later.
Me:
bye
God:
See you later!

til next....
~Kits~ (yeah, things have happened, just can't be arsed blogging about them)
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